


Ask The Interface Guru

by raisedbymoogles



Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Angst, Bondage, F/M, Humor, Interspecies, M/M, Medical, Other, Sex, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-28 15:18:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raisedbymoogles/pseuds/raisedbymoogles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Need sex advice? Ask Kup! He's seen it all, he's done it all... he just can't remember it all. Not guaranteed to not make your bedroom troubles the subject of base gossip for a solid week.</p><p>(Seriously, hit up askprofessorkup on Formspring. :D?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask The Interface Guru

Kup was in the medbay getting his regular tuneup when an awful commotion burst through the doors. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, carrying Bluestreak between them ("it's okay, guys, you don't have to carry me, I can walk, it's not like I walk on my doorwings anyway even when they aren't injured-") stormed the medbay like it was the bulkhead at Tyger Pax and deposited their burden front-side down on the nearest berth ("-guys, it's kinda hard to balance on my chest, you know mine is all sticky-outy and yours is flat not that there's anything wrong with flat chests-"), demanding First Aid get over here and fix it now.

Kup frowned at their lack of respect and decorum and at their interrupting a perfectly peaceful afternoon, but shooed First Aid Bluestreak's way anyway. "What happened?" the medic asked, already reaching out to touch Bluestreak's near door.

Bluestreak yelped in pain and First Aid pulled back, turning a worried expression on the twins; they winced in unison. "We were, uh, playing around with suspension bondage," Sideswipe began.

"We found this thing on the Autonet," Sunstreaker supplied. "It said it was written by Smokescreen, so..."

"And Bluestreak wanted to try it," Sideswipe hastened to add. "But I guess we let too much weight rest on the doorwings, and..." He dropped his gaze guiltily.

First Aid groaned and put his face in his hand; Kup snorted. "Clueless young punks."

Sunstreaker snapped a glare at him. "What the slag do you know?"

 _Oh, I was hoping you'd ask._ Grinning, Kup swung his legs casually off the berth and approached. "I've been with a couple mechs of Bluestreak's frame type in my day. I know my way around doorwings." He placed a hand on Bluestreak's back, just below the door joints; Bluestreak tensed. "Easy, Blue. Relax." He started to rub the plating under his palm, and was rewarded with a soft croon.

Kup smirked at the twins' incredulous stares. "Everyone thinks doors're all complicated, but they ain't," he explained as he continued to rub and Bluestreak continued to be reduced to a puddle. "But their moorings are loose, which means it's easy to dislocate 'em-" Abruptly he shifted his hand up Bluestreak's back, pushed _down_ and _forward_ as hard as he could, and there was a crack almost drowned out by Bluestreak's howl.

"And easy to relocate 'em again," he finished as Bluestreak slumped and Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's jaws hit the ground. "Can ya wiggle those things, Blue?" A pause, then Bluestreak gave an obliging flutter of his wings. "Good. Now give me half a click to finish my physical, which you so rudely interrupted, and I'll show ya how to truss up doorwings the proper way. _Smokescreen,"_ he snorted, sauntering back to his accustomed berth.

* * *

Rumors must have gotten around, as rumors were wont to do. Kup was enjoying his midday fuel break when someone tapped him on the forearm. "Umm... Mister Security Chief, sir?"

"Kup," he corrected automatically, turning to face the speaker with cube in hand. "And you're... Rewind, right?"

The cassette model nodded smartly. "Yes sir - Kup, sir," he said. "I was hoping I could talk to you about something."

Kup gestured to the empty chair next to him. "Have a sit." He grinned as Rewind took the proffered seat. "Gotta say, ain't got a lotta people seekin' me out to talk nowadays. Most of the time they're trying to get me to shut up. Whatcha need?"

Now that he had Kup's full attention, Rewind fidgeted, hemming and hawing over his words. "Well, I... that is, Eject and I - we've been - well - and we heard you were the person to talk to-"

Kup quirked an optic ridge. "About...?"

"About..." Rewind lowered his voice. "Berth stuff."

"Y'mean 'facing?"

Rewind actually jumped; Kup laughed, not unkindly. "Ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, short stack."

"I'm not ashamed. I'm embarrassed. There's a difference." Rewind scrubbed his palms over his thighs and cleared his throat determinedly. "Anyway, we've pretty much got the basics figured out, but we wanna know if it's safe to do built-in bondage."

"...Ya wanna run that by me again?"

Rewind flushed. Without another word, he reached into his own shoulder and pulled out a handful of black cassette tape.

"Ohhh." Kup nodded sagely. "Yeah, no. You don't wanna tie each other up with that. It'll crinkle, it'll cut into your lines, it tangles and rips way too easy..." Rewind deflated, sulkily retracting the tape, and Kup chuckled. "Come on. Lemme give you some _actual_ bondage tape, and you can tie each other up 'til the cowicrons come home if you wanna." He was rewarded with a smile, Rewind's optics lighting up with eager, adorable anticipation.

* * *

"The problem with Blurr is that he keeps running out of energy," Trailbreaker explained, keeping an easy pace with Kup.

"Yeah, his fuel intake needs have always been high," Kup shrugged.

"But... in the middle of interface?"

Trailbreaker's tone was so plaintive that Kup had to chuckle. "So refuel him and get back to business."

"It kinda throws off our rhythm if we have to stop and refuel in the middle of things."

"Not if you do it right." Kup paused Trailbreaker with a hand on his arm, and mimed taking an imaginary Blurr into his arms. "Now, you take your paramour like this... take a sip of energon..." He sipped from an imaginary cube, and bent his helm over the imaginary Blurr. "And he takes the energon from your mouth."

"Oh." Trailbreaker blinked, looking a bit like he'd just been hit over the head. "....Oh."

Kup chuckled and tapped the bigger mech's chest. "Go get 'im, big mech."

"You know, I think I will." Trailbreaker wandered off in a mild daze of arousal. Kup chuckled after him.

* * *

"Kup! Hey!"

"Pardon me, Kup, but I was wondering if you could settle a dispute..."

Kup held back a sigh and turned. "Powerglide. Tracks." He waited while they caught up to him. "Lemme guess. You two are havin' some berth trouble and you heard I was the mech to talk to."

"No!"

"Not with each other!"

The protests came out at the same time; Powerglide and Tracks startled and glared at each other briefly. "You know we're both... dating outside our species," Tracks began delicately.

Kup waved a hand. "That don't bother me none."

"Well, it shouldn't," Powerglide huffed. "Anyway, all our berthplay with our human partners so far has been contact overloads-"

"-Orgasms."

"Whatever. And that's nice and all, but we were hoping there'd be more options..."

Tracks picked up the thread where Powerglide trailed off. "Powerglide wants to try something penetrative. I think it's a bad idea. Your thoughts?"

"Well, lessee..." Kup stroked his chin in a show of thoughtfulness. "Have you talked to your partners about this?"

Tracks had the grace to look guilty; Powerglide just looked baffled. "Well..." Tracks allowed, "no, but..."

"Then why the slag you askin' me?" Kup flung his arms up, less than gratified when both mechs flinched. "Sure, it's _possible,_ but you're wastin' time if they ain't into it."

Tracks drooped visibly. "Of course, you're right, Kup. My apologies."

"But... it _is_ possible?" Powerglide persisted cautiously.

Kup allowed himself a smirk. "Mech, have you seen the sheer volume of stuff they make just for the purpose of shovin' up themselves?" Tracks groaned and flung up his arms, turning away from them both as Powerglide laughed. "You think that's bad?" Kup crowed at Tracks' retreating back. "Just be grateful your boyfriend don't have _tentacles!"_

* * *

Medbay again, only this time Kup was on the other end of the medic-patient continuum, weilding paint and buffer in the name of letting First Aid get some slagging rest.

"Arcee," Springer explained the scuff mark on his helm, over the noise of Kup's buffer erasing it.

"Yeah? How'd you piss her off this time?"

"I've been trying to figure that out myself. The 'facing was great last night, she _seemed_ to be into it..." Springer shrugged helplessly. "But today she smacks me and leaves."

"Huh." Kup thought, the buffer turning slow circles on Springer's helm. Arcee had a temper, but she wasn't indiscriminately violent, especially not with those she cared for. "Why dontcha walk me through what happened," Kup offered.

Springer frowned. "Well, we had some foreplay... watched a little porn..."

"Uh huh."

"She asked for a spanking so I had her over my knee, and she bit me while I spanked her... she seemed to like that."

"Sure."

"Then... let's see." Springer counted on his fingers. "Verbal humiliation, denied her overload, some begging, I plugged in and held her down..." A goofy grin spread across his face. "We got off so slagging hard."

"Well, of course. And then?"

"Well, after that my shift was about to start, so I left."

"I see." Kup put down the buffer. Then he smacked Springer over the helm.

"Ow! Hey! I don't need a scuff on the other side too!"

"Then use your slaggin' processor," Kup snapped. "You don't just leave afterwards! Especially not after the rough stuff! You want her to think she's just a warm body to you?"

Springer jerked back, optics wide. "No! Never! Of course not!"

"Then slagging well stay and cuddle for a bit. Even if it makes you late for your shift."

Springer blinked slowly. " 'Sorry I'm late for my shift, Ultra Magnus,' " he deadpanned. " 'I was cuddling.' "

"There ya go." Kup patted him on the shoulder. "Go on, now. You got some apology cuddles to see to."

"Uh..." Springer pointed at the Kup-induced scuffmark. "Can I get this buffed out first?"

Kup puffed out his chest and channeled Ratchet to the best of his ability. _"Get outta my medbay!"_

* * *

"It's disturbing is what it is," Kup grumped to Ultra Magnus over a late-night cube of high grade. "None of 'em seem to know a thing about 'facing. Not a mech among 'em."

Magnus, who was technically on shift, tilted his half-full cube of nutrition-grade energon in his hand. "It's not that complicated. Point and click, as the humans say."

Kup barked a laugh. "That ain't what I mean. I mean the important stuff. How to do it all safely and how to treat your partner right."

Magnus shrugged. "We've been at war, Kup. Most of the Autobots still alive have known nothing but war for almost the entirety of their functions. They haven't had time to learn more than the basic mechanics of interface."

"Slaggin' shame." Kup tossed back the rest of his cube. "And I ain't got the time or the energy to educate all of 'em."

"Maybe you could contribute regularly to the weekly news download. We could call it 'Kup's Intimacy Education Sectional." Kup gave him a glare and Magnus smirked into his cube.

"Don't tempt me, mech," Kup let a growl enter his voice. "I might use you for illustrative examples."

"I? But I've never interfaced in my life." All innocent unconcern, Magnus tilted his head back and took another swallow of energon, allowing a drop of it to bead on his lip.

"Then it's high time someone gave you your education." Kup vacated his chair and pounced, sucking fiercely at Magnus's mouth as he claimed the broad lap. Magnus chuckled richly and placed large, steadying hands on the older mech's hips.

* * *

"Lad? You better be in there, I've looked everywhere else." Kup rapped at the office door again, and tried not to be disturbed that when one wanted to find Rodimus Prime, the last place one looked was his office. _That's just how Roddy is._ "Come on, lad," Kup groaned, "I been on my pedes all day and I don't wanna chase all around the city again. Where are you?"

 _//Security Director Kup?//_

Kup snapped upright at the tentative transmission. "Report, Metroplex," he ordered, already booting up combat and city-defense subroutines. Metroplex followed a strict code of non-interference with those who dwelled within him; he initiated contact only in an emergency.

 _//It's... it's Rodimus Prime.//_ Metroplex sounded - not panicked, exactly, but definitely perplexed and worried. _//He's in no physical danger as of now, but he seems to be in some distress.//_

"Where is he?" Kup demanded, and Metroplex gave him the location. Forgetting his weariness, Kup broke into a dead run.

Metroplex's location-ping led Kup to a storage room on the lowest level. It was easy to see which room was the one in question: it was the only one whose door control glowed red in indication that it was security locked. Kup transmitted his own entry code; the control buzzed and remained locked. " 'Plex, open this door!" Kup demanded, and transmitted the highest-level code he had access to.

 _//Acknowledged.//_ The door slid open soundlessly; the overhead lights came on. Kup took three running steps inside and skidded to a halt. "Rodimus!"

Rodimus lifted his helm from the floor, relief warring with near-fatal levels of mortification in his optics. "Kup," he croaked, squirming helplessly. "I - this - I -"

"Shut up, lad," Kup told him kindly, kneeling to assess the situation. The Prime was tied, wrist to ankle, with rubber straps with slipknots in them - slipknots that had slid out of Rodimus's reach. The straps were too tight around his joints, cutting off vital flows. It was clear Rodimus had done this to himself, without anyone to help him; it was equally as clear that he'd done a poor job of it.

"Primus, these young mechs," Kup muttered. "Hold still."

He had to cut the straps, rather than fiddle with the knots; the instant they parted, energy flooded Rodimus's hands and pedes, triggering an overload from him. Rodimus cried out, and as his energy equalized he dissolved into harsh, rasping sobs. He curled away from Kup and huddled stiffly in humiliation; sensing he wouldn't be getting his Prime to his own berth to be cuddled properly, Kup lay down right there on the storage room floor and wrapped his arms around Rodimus.

He made up his mind then to try to be less grouchy with the people who came to him with their questions. It was always the ones who _wouldn't_ ask for help that scared him the most.


End file.
